On The Eve Of

I’m not sure why I created this blog on the eve of what will likely be the busiest and most stressful years of my life. Maybe it is a form of egotism, similar to the people who posts selfies on social media. I like seeing my words on the internet. I like the idea of someone reading what I have written. I like imagining that I have a worthwhile story to tell.

Do I have a worthwhile story to tell? I guess that remains to be seen.

On the eve of the busiest and most stressful years of my life, I have very little to say beyond my fears and anxieties. I go to work. I try to be a good mom and wife. I clean my house, do laundry, and sew a little. But in the coming months, when grad school starts and I am flooded with everything that goes along with it, I will have a great deal to say. Not necessarily about what I am learning (though I hope to have plenty to say about that) but also about how I am finding balance – or not finding balance, whatever the case may be. Most days I feel overwhelmed with hectic mornings trying to get out of the house, taking Lulu to daycare, getting to work, feeding my family, trying to have a tidy house, spending time with Lulu and husband, and trying to throw in a few moments doing things I enjoy somewhere in between. And I want to add grad school to the mix? I must be nuts.

But even on the eve of the busiest and most stressful years of my life, I am determined. It is going to be a rollercoaster from hell most days, I’m sure, but I am determined.  My colleagues have faith in me.  My department has faith in me.  My family and friends have faith in me.  I am determined not to let anyone down.  I am determined not to let myself down.

Now on the eve of the busiest and most stressful years of my life, I want to begin a record to look back on.  Time will fly and likely blur, and I want to remember.  I want to remember the ups and downs, the wins and losses, the mistakes and rewards.  I will be looking forward throughout most of the process – commencement can’t come soon enough – so I need a place to log the daily events.  Most importantly the personal events that might be overshadowed by the stress of being too busy:  every goofy, silly, hilarious thing Lulu says, the family holidays and vacations, the sad moments, the happy moments, the moments that truly count.

So on the eve of the busiest and most stressful years of my life, I don’t truly know the exact path this blog will end up taking.  But it will be my path.

And it will be lovely.

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