I internalize what goes on around me. If a co-worker is cranky, I get cranky. If my husband is stressed, I get stressed. If my best friend is sad, I get sad.
I internalize the things I read, the websites I visit, the conversations I overhear. If I read an upsetting news article before bed my brain will refuse to shut down for hours. I have a love/hate relationship with social media – Facebook, Pinterest and the like. These things are chock full of perceived reasons to feel dissatisfied with your own life. Even if those reasons have no basis in reality.
I’m pragmatic. I know that life is not a beautiful Pinterest board, that children are not always well-behaved, houses are not always clean, news is not always good, and people around us are not always cheerful and happy. So WHY do I take all of these external forces outside of my control and embody them to live and fester and create this gaping pit inside of me? I feel like I exist with a swarm of butterflies in my stomach. I’m always slightly on edge, slightly nauseous, waiting for something to happen. The past few months have been awful in this respect. Good news followed by bad. Death, birth, sadness, worry, excitement… it’s all there, inside of me, churning away.
I’m working on finding ways to chill out. Day 1 without Facebook is helping.
Maybe cutting back on caffeine would help, but then I would be bitchy instead of anxious. And believe me, nobody wants that.