The Pit of Emotion

I internalize what goes on around me.  If a co-worker is cranky, I get cranky.  If my husband is stressed, I get stressed.  If my best friend is sad, I get sad.

I internalize the things I read, the websites I visit, the conversations I overhear.  If I read an upsetting news article before bed my brain will refuse to shut down for hours.  I have a love/hate relationship with social media – Facebook, Pinterest and the like.  These things are chock full of perceived reasons to feel dissatisfied with your own life.  Even if those reasons have no basis in reality.

I’m pragmatic.  I know that life is not a beautiful Pinterest board, that children are not always well-behaved, houses are not always clean, news is not always good, and people around us are not always cheerful and happy.  So WHY do I take all of these external forces outside of my control and embody them to live and fester and create this gaping pit inside of me?  I feel like I exist with a swarm of butterflies in my stomach.  I’m always slightly on edge, slightly nauseous, waiting for something to happen.  The past few months have been awful in this respect.  Good news followed by bad.  Death, birth, sadness, worry, excitement… it’s all there, inside of me, churning away.

I’m working on finding ways to chill out.  Day 1 without Facebook is helping.

Maybe cutting back on caffeine would help, but then I would be bitchy instead of anxious.  And believe me, nobody wants that.

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2 thoughts on “The Pit of Emotion

  1. Caroline – I absolutely love your blog…when I saw that you were leaving Facebook, I was really sad. I love to see the photos of Lucy and catch up a little bit of what you are up to. I loved seeing your painted wall and pictures of the things that you have made. It made me really sad that I wouldn’t see that anymore. Then I saw that you had a blog so I went right to it. Last night I began reading and I couldn’t stop. You are an amazing writer and you have things to say that so many of us – probably ALL of us – can relate to. You really have a beautiful way of putting your thoughts on paper. (Maybe that is why you have always been so obsessed with paper…!) Anyway, keep it up and I will continue reading…I LOVE it! I will also try to see your Lucy photos on Instagram…once I figure out how to use it! I’m old, you know!!

    Linda Kraemer

    1. Oh Linda, you are so sweet. I will go back to FB someday I’m sure, but right now I’m just burnt out. I don’t know if I’m an amazing writer, but I like doing it, and I am trying to do more. Instagram is wonderful – just pictures, no drama! You will have to keep me updated on you too! I miss you B&R ladies 🙂

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